So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
