I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
