I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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