check it out our google latitudes are spooning
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
