My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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