If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
