The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
