Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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