No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
