They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
