absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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