I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
