Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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