Barsexuality is the new black.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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