I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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