2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
