i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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