I think my fart just growled at me.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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