Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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