we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
