What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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