wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize