Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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