I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
