shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
