Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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