you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
