I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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