All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
