Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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