I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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