if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
