My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
