I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
