He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
