I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
