oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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