wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Randomize
