Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
