I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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