he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
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