I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
