WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize