In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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