He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
