so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
