Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
be right there i have to get my cape
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
