i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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