i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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