After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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