My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
