I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize