I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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