The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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