I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
