fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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