There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
