I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
