maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Randomize
