He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Life is so much better after having sex.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
