Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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