Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i now understand why vodka
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
