I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize