Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
