8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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