I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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