Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
