just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize