May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
