I bet he comes in French.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
